Zen Break: The Universe Is Within You - Literally!

No, this is not a philosophical statement, but a literal one - I'll allow Zen monk Thich Nhat Hanh to explain his Zen Concept of 'Inter-Being' in his own words: 

If you are a poet, you will see clearly that there is a cloud floating in this sheet of paper. Without a cloud, there will be no rain; without rain, the trees cannot grow; and without trees, we cannot make paper. The cloud is essential for the paper to exist. If the cloud is not here, the sheet of paper cannot be here either. So we can say that the cloud and the paper inter-are. “Interbeing” is a word that is not in the dictionary yet, but if we combine the prefix “inter-” with the verb “to be,” we ha vea new verb, inter-be. Without a cloud and the sheet of paper inter-are.

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Give Up What You WANT To Get What You NEED

In our post titled, ‘Learning To Get What You Want In A Negotiation’ we discussed the importance of separating your positions (what you say you want) from your interests (the underlying need that shapes your positions). 

You can expect that in most scenarios, unless the other party completely folds, it is highly unlikely that you will get 100% of our interests met.  To increase the chances that you get your most important interests fulfilled, while simultaneously maximize the probability of an agreement, we should use the log-rolling technique.  Using this approach, you give up on the interests that are of lower value to you (and possibly higher value to the other party) to secure your own high priority interests.  It also shows you to be reasonable person who is willing to compromise when the situation asks for it.

The first step in using log-rolling is to prioritize your interests in terms of their value to you.  (If you believe that they are all equally important, then you are setting up the log-rolling technique to fail.) Next, you should use active listening skills to find out the interests and priorities of the other party.  This will give the concessions you provide during the give and take process to be more effective. 

Let’s look at how logrolling works in the following scenario:

Scenario 

Jill is a recent graduate who is currently unemployed and living at home.  Because of the tough economy and her lack of experience, she is finding it difficult to land a job.  Jill is currently interviewing with a company that is exactly in the field in which she want to focus her career.  Working at this could give her an enormous amount of experience but the salary for this position is below the market rate. Jill desperately wants to move out of her parents’ house and has just been invited to share an apartment with two of her best friends from college. Jill has been offered a position at the company and is now negotiating the terms of her possible employment.

We already know that Jill will not get everything that she wants in her negotiations, but first let’s take a look at their interests: (i) to gain employment; (ii) to gain experience in her chosen field; (iii) to be able to move out of her parents’ house in order to get more space and privacy. Now that we know this, how should she approach this negotiation?

Though Jill really wants to move out of her parents’ house, and the salary for this position would not allow this, she believes that having a job in a bad economy plus getting experience in her chosen field are more important.  Her employer, is a start-up company with limited financial means so an increase in the salary offered was not an option.  However, they do have a lot of responsibilities for new hires;  so, Jill will get hands-on experience from the get-go. 

Upon accepting the position, Jill gave up on her desire to move in with her college friends because her income would not allow it.  She decided to stay in her parents' home managed to get some extra space and privacy by turning the basement into an apartment in exchange for a nominal rent that she could afford on her lower salary.

As you can see, log-rolling only works if you are prepared.  As such, you must already know what your interests and priorities are; you must be willing to engage in active listening to find out about the interests and priorities of the other party to the deal; and you must try to encourage a collaborative environment so that will encourage a more open give and take process. 

Zen Symbols Explained: The Lotus Flower

The word zen, at least in the West, tends to denote beautiful imagery of nature, calmness and relaxation.  However, some symbols appear over and over and haven't you always wondered about their true meaning?  One of these is the lotus flower and that is what we will be examining in this post.

The lotus flower (at least those used for zen symbolism) grows in muddy ponds.  However, upon maturity, the flower emerges from the mud perfectly clean and unspoiled.  Because of this ability to repel the muck in which it was submerged, the lotus flower represents purity and spiritual awakening in Buddhism. 

Here in the West, the lotus flower has also come to symbolize: (i) a person overcoming a difficult background/upbringing to achieve success; or (ii) a person who have ‘found the light’ after difficult emotional pain.  These views, in essence, emphasize the beautiful lotus flower’s triumph over the dirty muddy water.

However,remember  zen represents balance and harmony. Think about it, without the muddy water, there could be no lotus flower. From seed to maturity, it provides sustenance. As we celebrate the beauty of the flower remember that it is still firmly rooted in the mud. 

In zen, the flower of the lotus plant represents our spirit. So, the emergence of the flower from the mud without any dirt or taint, is symbolic of our ability to be in the world while our spirit remains pure. Like the lotus flower we should use the ‘impurity’ of the world to help us grow spiritually.

In zen, lotus flowers of different color represent different points on the spiritual journey.

Blue Lotus

When you first choose to walk away from the attachments to the things of the world, you are symbolized by a bud just breaking the surface of the mud and the blue lotus flower.

White Lotus

There is a stage on the zen spiritual journey where you become a Bodhisattva. Here your spirit is awakened to the wonder of existence, but you have decided to dedicate your life to helping those who are still caught up in the attachments of the world. The Bodhisattva's spiritual perfection and mental purity is represented by the white lotus flower.

 The Pink Lotus

This represents the highest level of spiritual enlightenment and awakening – that of the Buddha. 

Another Tidbit

The lotus flower’s initial emergence from the muck occurs over a period of a few days.  Over this time, the flower comes through in the morning, clean and unspoiled; then it closes its petals in the afternoon and re-immerses itself back in the muddy waters.  It then repeats the process of re-emergence and re-immersion over a period of about three days. Though this doesn’t appear in zen, I like to think of this ability as being representative of how perseverance will pay off.


Here are some lotus products that I like...

Get more info about the lotus flower at Lotus Flower Meaning

When Compromising Is Not Always The Best Option

Scenario 1:

You are at work and you have a 'great' proposal for the other members of your team of 5 people.  You have some seniority in your team and you could probably get your way even if the others choose not to consent.  Though you strongly believe in your proposal, the other members of your team do not share your enthusiasm and they want to scrap the idea.  How do you respond?

Scenario 2:

You are a business person who is interviewing a highly qualified executive to head a major department in your organization.  You are both very knowledgeable about your industry and the economy in general.  Unfortunately, you have divergent views on what direction should be taken to improve the standing of the company.  As the business person/interviewer, how would you respond? If you were the executive how would you handle this?

Your response in the scenarios above will depend on your default ‘conflict mode’.  You will note that none of the scenarios above necessarily include the normal definition of ‘conflict’.  What we are seeing is just typical issues regarding differing viewpoints that naturally occur in the workplace or in business generally.  Our response tend to differ based on whether we are more assertive, cooperative or both.

Using assertiveness and cooperation as the two main factors, the 5 basic conflict modes (competing, avoiding, accommodating, compromising and collaborating) can be outlined based on the chart below.

THE CONFLICT MODES

As you can see, people who are less cooperative are those that have either avoiding or competitive modes. For those that practice avoidance all they want to do is sidestep the issue. They don’t care if things are left unresolved; all they want to do is withdraw.

On the other hand, competitive people are those that are in the “my way or the highway” crowd.  They love to argue/debate and they don’t mind using rank or influence to get what they want.  

Individuals who are highly cooperative tend to collaborate or accommodate.  Accommodating individuals put the needs of others above their own… they are selfless and they always put their desires last.  

Collaborators, however, practice active listening.  They want to hear everyone’s ideas/concerns and they use impassive analysis in making decisions.

With these four conflict modes, you will note that those that want to withdraw from the issues, avoiding and accommodating personalities are low in assertiveness.  And, those that want to tackle the situation head on, collaborators and competitive individuals, are highly assertive.

Finally we come to the compromiser.  This type of person is equally assertive and cooperative.  They don’t mind doing a give and take.  They love negotiating and assessing value but in the end it usually comes down to quickly splitting everything in half.

Your default mode will differ from others based on your personality. It is important to note, however, that you do not have to be locked into this automatic way of doing things. You can decide what mode to use depending on the situation you are facing. For example, if time is a factor, being a compromiser is probably a really good option. If you want to build trust and respect among your teammates, then being a collaborator is your best bet.  If you feel as if you are not fully prepared to deal with an issue, then it is good to avoid it until you are in a much stronger position.  And, if you genuinely believe the alternatives available are superior to your own, then accommodating is the way to go. 

As you can see these 5 different modes are integral to successfully communicating and building relationships in the workplace and in business.  Depending on your goals, you should be able to switch back and forth between all 5.  

To get that process started, you should get o general idea of your own default conflict mode.  (You can find the test here).  Then, take the time learn the pro’s and con’s of using the various conflict modes in different situations. Examples of these can be found here.

Now that you are more prepared, how would you respond in scenarios above? 

NON-VERBAL Communication and You

SCENARIO: AT WORK

Employee Jack wonders: 'I generally get along with everyone at work, why can't I connect with my supervisors and managers?'


Colleagues: Jack is “too intense.” Rather than look at you, he devours you with his eyes. And if he takes your hand, he lunges to get it and then squeezes so hard it hurts. Jack is a caring guy but has a terrible time being in sync with people. This awkwardness limits his ability to advance at work. He just isn’t seen as being good with others.

SCENARIO: DEALING WITH A POTENTIAL CLIENT

Businesswoman Celine wonders: 'I have just given a well-prepared presentation showing how I can effectively help a prospective client but I still could not close the deal. Why?'


Client: Celine work was the best we have seen and she has the best credentials but there is just something about her... I just can't see myself working closely with her.

Look At How All of Us Perceive 
Those Who Are Communicating?

In a prior post, we discussed the importance of non-verbal communication as it relates to conflict in the workplace.  However, as the above scenario shows, non-verbal communication whether you:

• are interviewing for a job; 
• meeting with potential clients; 
• seeking a promotion; or 
• dealing with your colleagues around the office.

The Factors That Go Into Non-Verbal Communication Include:

     1.  SPATIAL RELATIONS

a.      Relative positions while communicating

b.      Proximity to each other during the discussion

    2.  BODY LANGUAGE

a.      Eye contact

b.      Arm position

c.       Posture

d.      Personal Appearance

   3. SPEECH PATTERNS

a.      Pace

b.      Volume

c.       Pitch

d.      Tone

   4.  TIMLINESS

a.      Promptness or Tardiness

b.      Primacy and Recency

   6. THE SENSES WE REFER TO WHEN WE SPEAK

a.      Visual (“I See what you mean”)

b.      Auditory (“That sounds great to me”)

c.       Touch (“That feels right to me”

Putting it into Action

The way you position or use your body can be calming or could aggravate a situation.

You should:

• Use calm body language - a relaxed posture with your hands unclenched and an attentive expression.
• Get on the other person's physical level. If they are seated, try kneeling or bending over, rather than standing over them.
• Give the other person enough physical space, usually about  3 feet.

More importantly, you should not:

• Pose in a challenging stance, such as putting your hands on your hips, pointing your finger, waving your arms, or crossing your arms.
• Glare or stare, which may be interpreted as challenging.

Learn more about how to improve your non-verbal communication skills

Level 1 - EMPLOYER: Beginning To Creating A Culture of Zen In The Workplace

While identifying the types of conflict most common in you specifically face, you used you data gathering skills to put together a 'conflict health' picture of your organization. You should use this as a  ‘reference point’ as you begin to proactively implement a strategy to improve the culture in the workplace. This will ensure that employees will not simply mindlessly do what they have always done without critically reviewing the consequences of their actions. 

Before you expect to see real change, however, you need to take the time to properly educate your managers and employees as to how to interact with each other. Research shows that the collaborative approach is most effective in dealing with conflict in the workplace.  This is because it serves to increase trust and empathy among managers and their subordinates. 

Using the CPR Philosophy is one to implement a collaborative approach in the workplace. This credo states, “staff do well at their jobs if they can. If they can’t, managers need to help them figure out why, so they can.” 


The basic steps in implementing the CPR’s collaborative approach is as follows:

Step 1: This entails the establishment of a collaborative relationship among employees and management.

A. We have previously explored how active listening plays a big part in the establishing a relation of trust and understanding. Under the CPR Philosophy, all employees must also take the time to actively listen to each other’s point of view. Managers, however, must be especially mindful of not presenting theirs viewpoints as if it they are objective truth.  It is important for them to convey their viewpoints on the same level as their subordinates.

B. After colleagues have engaged in active listening, those who are in conflict must then take the time to define the issues that they believe is the root of the dispute.  This should be gleaned from the information they gathered during active listening. Both parties must then check-in with each other to ensure that they are correct in their assessment of the issues.

Step 2: After the issues are defined, the employees must then agree to work together to tackle the issues they have identified to be the root of their conflict.

Step 3: Finally, there should be a give-and-take dialogue among disputes colleagues that is focused on brainstorming possible solutions to the issues they have presented as the root of their conflict.  Note, this involves people working together to have all the issues resolved… not just their own.

Obviously there is more to building and implementing a collaborative culture. There will be more tools regarding conflict management and prevention on Zen Workplaces.  It is important to note, however, that research shows that ‘[i]naction in response to discontent voiced by an employee is likely to exacerbate feelings of injustice.’ As such, utilizing the techniques discussed here should help in avoiding this pitfall. 


~Here is to Zen in the Workplace!

Level 1 - EMPLOYER: Basic Techniques for Handling Existing Conflict

Before you are able to properly implement a culture of zen in your workplace, you may be faced with current and ongoing conflicts.  One of the most basic techniques you can ask your employees (especially your managers and supervisors) to utilize is 'Active Listening'.


 Active Listening

This approach helps employees show more understanding and empathy toward each other. This enhanced communication will also serve to dampen any escalation of conflict. As a bonus, learning active listening is not particularly difficult.  Employees just need to start paying attention to the feelings of their colleagues. 

As such, when listening to their co-worker discuss their views on a particular conflict, employees should try to pinpoint what exactly is it that is driving their colleague's feelings of dissatisfaction.  Once that occurs, the employee should then attempt to restate the issues and feelings their co-worker was trying to convey.  It is important to use non-confrontational words when doing this.  Finally, the employee should check in with the co-worker to see if they have correctly gleaned his/her viewpoint.  This active listening will then be reciprocated to the employee by the co-worker.


Whether there is eventual agreement, engaging in active listening allows employees to show each other that they at least made the attempt to understand their colleagues' perspectives. That, in and of itself, is a good thing.

Conflict De-escalation

Next employers have to learn to get their employees in the habit of bringing level 1 issues out in the open before they are allowed to escalate. This will allow managers and supervisors, who are facing a task conflict, to quickly pinpoint the issue(s) that are the source of the workplace unrest. The the next step, of course, is to get the parties together at the table to help them  brainstorm possible solutions that will work for them both. 

The common view in the business world is that personal clashes in the workplace are “unwinnable.” This is because there is “no substantive, identifiable, or meaningful issue to be resolved.” The only solutions offered in these situations are to either (i) for employees to “put aside their personal conflict for the good of the team” or (i)“ to transfer one or both employee(s), or even separate them from the company.” This line reasoning explains why 85% of all terminations are due to this type of dispute.

The entire Zen Workplaces site, however, is dedicated to showing you that personal clashes are indeed winnable. Along with enhancing your managers' basic conflict resolution skill-set, simply point your employees to some of the techniques on this blog that give them step by step instruction on how to react appropriately in the face of conflict. 

The goal here is to get your employees in the habit of diffusing conflict as before it takes root. As they say, “an ounce of prevention is worth more than a pound of cure”.

~Here is to Zen in the Workplace!