When Compromising Is Not Always The Best Option

Scenario 1:

You are at work and you have a 'great' proposal for the other members of your team of 5 people.  You have some seniority in your team and you could probably get your way even if the others choose not to consent.  Though you strongly believe in your proposal, the other members of your team do not share your enthusiasm and they want to scrap the idea.  How do you respond?

Scenario 2:

You are a business person who is interviewing a highly qualified executive to head a major department in your organization.  You are both very knowledgeable about your industry and the economy in general.  Unfortunately, you have divergent views on what direction should be taken to improve the standing of the company.  As the business person/interviewer, how would you respond? If you were the executive how would you handle this?

Your response in the scenarios above will depend on your default ‘conflict mode’.  You will note that none of the scenarios above necessarily include the normal definition of ‘conflict’.  What we are seeing is just typical issues regarding differing viewpoints that naturally occur in the workplace or in business generally.  Our response tend to differ based on whether we are more assertive, cooperative or both.

Using assertiveness and cooperation as the two main factors, the 5 basic conflict modes (competing, avoiding, accommodating, compromising and collaborating) can be outlined based on the chart below.

THE CONFLICT MODES

As you can see, people who are less cooperative are those that have either avoiding or competitive modes. For those that practice avoidance all they want to do is sidestep the issue. They don’t care if things are left unresolved; all they want to do is withdraw.

On the other hand, competitive people are those that are in the “my way or the highway” crowd.  They love to argue/debate and they don’t mind using rank or influence to get what they want.  

Individuals who are highly cooperative tend to collaborate or accommodate.  Accommodating individuals put the needs of others above their own… they are selfless and they always put their desires last.  

Collaborators, however, practice active listening.  They want to hear everyone’s ideas/concerns and they use impassive analysis in making decisions.

With these four conflict modes, you will note that those that want to withdraw from the issues, avoiding and accommodating personalities are low in assertiveness.  And, those that want to tackle the situation head on, collaborators and competitive individuals, are highly assertive.

Finally we come to the compromiser.  This type of person is equally assertive and cooperative.  They don’t mind doing a give and take.  They love negotiating and assessing value but in the end it usually comes down to quickly splitting everything in half.

Your default mode will differ from others based on your personality. It is important to note, however, that you do not have to be locked into this automatic way of doing things. You can decide what mode to use depending on the situation you are facing. For example, if time is a factor, being a compromiser is probably a really good option. If you want to build trust and respect among your teammates, then being a collaborator is your best bet.  If you feel as if you are not fully prepared to deal with an issue, then it is good to avoid it until you are in a much stronger position.  And, if you genuinely believe the alternatives available are superior to your own, then accommodating is the way to go. 

As you can see these 5 different modes are integral to successfully communicating and building relationships in the workplace and in business.  Depending on your goals, you should be able to switch back and forth between all 5.  

To get that process started, you should get o general idea of your own default conflict mode.  (You can find the test here).  Then, take the time learn the pro’s and con’s of using the various conflict modes in different situations. Examples of these can be found here.

Now that you are more prepared, how would you respond in scenarios above? 

NON-VERBAL Communication and You

SCENARIO: AT WORK

Employee Jack wonders: 'I generally get along with everyone at work, why can't I connect with my supervisors and managers?'


Colleagues: Jack is “too intense.” Rather than look at you, he devours you with his eyes. And if he takes your hand, he lunges to get it and then squeezes so hard it hurts. Jack is a caring guy but has a terrible time being in sync with people. This awkwardness limits his ability to advance at work. He just isn’t seen as being good with others.

SCENARIO: DEALING WITH A POTENTIAL CLIENT

Businesswoman Celine wonders: 'I have just given a well-prepared presentation showing how I can effectively help a prospective client but I still could not close the deal. Why?'


Client: Celine work was the best we have seen and she has the best credentials but there is just something about her... I just can't see myself working closely with her.

Look At How All of Us Perceive 
Those Who Are Communicating?

In a prior post, we discussed the importance of non-verbal communication as it relates to conflict in the workplace.  However, as the above scenario shows, non-verbal communication whether you:

• are interviewing for a job; 
• meeting with potential clients; 
• seeking a promotion; or 
• dealing with your colleagues around the office.

The Factors That Go Into Non-Verbal Communication Include:

     1.  SPATIAL RELATIONS

a.      Relative positions while communicating

b.      Proximity to each other during the discussion

    2.  BODY LANGUAGE

a.      Eye contact

b.      Arm position

c.       Posture

d.      Personal Appearance

   3. SPEECH PATTERNS

a.      Pace

b.      Volume

c.       Pitch

d.      Tone

   4.  TIMLINESS

a.      Promptness or Tardiness

b.      Primacy and Recency

   6. THE SENSES WE REFER TO WHEN WE SPEAK

a.      Visual (“I See what you mean”)

b.      Auditory (“That sounds great to me”)

c.       Touch (“That feels right to me”

Putting it into Action

The way you position or use your body can be calming or could aggravate a situation.

You should:

• Use calm body language - a relaxed posture with your hands unclenched and an attentive expression.
• Get on the other person's physical level. If they are seated, try kneeling or bending over, rather than standing over them.
• Give the other person enough physical space, usually about  3 feet.

More importantly, you should not:

• Pose in a challenging stance, such as putting your hands on your hips, pointing your finger, waving your arms, or crossing your arms.
• Glare or stare, which may be interpreted as challenging.

Learn more about how to improve your non-verbal communication skills

Level 1 - EMPLOYER: Beginning To Creating A Culture of Zen In The Workplace

While identifying the types of conflict most common in you specifically face, you used you data gathering skills to put together a 'conflict health' picture of your organization. You should use this as a  ‘reference point’ as you begin to proactively implement a strategy to improve the culture in the workplace. This will ensure that employees will not simply mindlessly do what they have always done without critically reviewing the consequences of their actions. 

Before you expect to see real change, however, you need to take the time to properly educate your managers and employees as to how to interact with each other. Research shows that the collaborative approach is most effective in dealing with conflict in the workplace.  This is because it serves to increase trust and empathy among managers and their subordinates. 

Using the CPR Philosophy is one to implement a collaborative approach in the workplace. This credo states, “staff do well at their jobs if they can. If they can’t, managers need to help them figure out why, so they can.” 


The basic steps in implementing the CPR’s collaborative approach is as follows:

Step 1: This entails the establishment of a collaborative relationship among employees and management.

A. We have previously explored how active listening plays a big part in the establishing a relation of trust and understanding. Under the CPR Philosophy, all employees must also take the time to actively listen to each other’s point of view. Managers, however, must be especially mindful of not presenting theirs viewpoints as if it they are objective truth.  It is important for them to convey their viewpoints on the same level as their subordinates.

B. After colleagues have engaged in active listening, those who are in conflict must then take the time to define the issues that they believe is the root of the dispute.  This should be gleaned from the information they gathered during active listening. Both parties must then check-in with each other to ensure that they are correct in their assessment of the issues.

Step 2: After the issues are defined, the employees must then agree to work together to tackle the issues they have identified to be the root of their conflict.

Step 3: Finally, there should be a give-and-take dialogue among disputes colleagues that is focused on brainstorming possible solutions to the issues they have presented as the root of their conflict.  Note, this involves people working together to have all the issues resolved… not just their own.

Obviously there is more to building and implementing a collaborative culture. There will be more tools regarding conflict management and prevention on Zen Workplaces.  It is important to note, however, that research shows that ‘[i]naction in response to discontent voiced by an employee is likely to exacerbate feelings of injustice.’ As such, utilizing the techniques discussed here should help in avoiding this pitfall. 


~Here is to Zen in the Workplace!

Level 1 - EMPLOYER: Basic Techniques for Handling Existing Conflict

Before you are able to properly implement a culture of zen in your workplace, you may be faced with current and ongoing conflicts.  One of the most basic techniques you can ask your employees (especially your managers and supervisors) to utilize is 'Active Listening'.


 Active Listening

This approach helps employees show more understanding and empathy toward each other. This enhanced communication will also serve to dampen any escalation of conflict. As a bonus, learning active listening is not particularly difficult.  Employees just need to start paying attention to the feelings of their colleagues. 

As such, when listening to their co-worker discuss their views on a particular conflict, employees should try to pinpoint what exactly is it that is driving their colleague's feelings of dissatisfaction.  Once that occurs, the employee should then attempt to restate the issues and feelings their co-worker was trying to convey.  It is important to use non-confrontational words when doing this.  Finally, the employee should check in with the co-worker to see if they have correctly gleaned his/her viewpoint.  This active listening will then be reciprocated to the employee by the co-worker.


Whether there is eventual agreement, engaging in active listening allows employees to show each other that they at least made the attempt to understand their colleagues' perspectives. That, in and of itself, is a good thing.

Conflict De-escalation

Next employers have to learn to get their employees in the habit of bringing level 1 issues out in the open before they are allowed to escalate. This will allow managers and supervisors, who are facing a task conflict, to quickly pinpoint the issue(s) that are the source of the workplace unrest. The the next step, of course, is to get the parties together at the table to help them  brainstorm possible solutions that will work for them both. 

The common view in the business world is that personal clashes in the workplace are “unwinnable.” This is because there is “no substantive, identifiable, or meaningful issue to be resolved.” The only solutions offered in these situations are to either (i) for employees to “put aside their personal conflict for the good of the team” or (i)“ to transfer one or both employee(s), or even separate them from the company.” This line reasoning explains why 85% of all terminations are due to this type of dispute.

The entire Zen Workplaces site, however, is dedicated to showing you that personal clashes are indeed winnable. Along with enhancing your managers' basic conflict resolution skill-set, simply point your employees to some of the techniques on this blog that give them step by step instruction on how to react appropriately in the face of conflict. 

The goal here is to get your employees in the habit of diffusing conflict as before it takes root. As they say, “an ounce of prevention is worth more than a pound of cure”.

~Here is to Zen in the Workplace!

Level 1 EMPLOYER: Identifying The Types of Conflict Occurring Specifically In Your Workplace

Now that you understand the types of conflicts that generally occur at the workplace, how do you identify the types of conflicts that are occurring in your specific organization?  By taking the time to do this, you are ensuring that you will be  utilizing the appropriate conflict resolution techniques for your situation. 

Though it is not difficult, it will require some time and effort to compile the information needed to get a clear picture of  your organization's 'conflict health'. For those who are familiar with accounting, think of it as putting together a balance sheet for your financials. The steps are as follows:

1. Use your data gathering skills to try to figure out whether or not most of the conflict in your organization is based on task or personal disputes.

1. Gather data by having as many managers and employees fill out the workplace conflict questionnaire.
2. If you have a system of keeping track of informal disputes within your organization, try to answer the following questions:

• Are the most common disputes very emotional or not?
• What characteristics do people who most often find themselves in conflict have in common?
• How frequently do disputes and complaints occur?
• Has there always been the same amount and frequency of disputes and complaints in your workplace?
• If not, since when did the frequency start to rise or drop?
• Do you foresee regulatory,organizational, or legal changes that will affect the frequency of disputes?
• What is your view on the cause ofconflict?

Though it is important for you to get an overview of the disputes that commonly occur in your organization, you still have to mindful of dealing with the workplace conflict issues that you are currently facing. Use your observational skills to find out what is really the driving force behind the dispute. 

·         Are the emotional reactions of the participants on par with the seriousness of the  situation?

·         Do both parties want to win only at the other’s expense? 

·         Are the participants displaying a lack of trust or respect for each other? 

Answering the above three questions in the affirmative is usually a clear sign that you are dealing with a personal dispute instead of a task conflict.

Once you figure out the types of conflicts your organization is dealing with, it is time to look at the types of solutions you have at your disposal. At Zen Workplace we are committed to providing you with as many tools as possible for this.  So let's start with the most basic conflict diffusion techniques. As a bonus, they are also easy to implement.

~Here is to Zen In The Workplace!

The TYPES OF CONFLICT Generally Found In The Workplace

Though they may be divided into different sub-groups, the types of conflict generally found in the workplace are basically: 'Task Conflicts' and 'Personal Conflicts'. 

Task Conflicts


Task conflicts are based on substantive workplace issues.  These include: interdependence disputes, differences in style disputes and leadership disputes. 

• Interdependence Disputes are those wherein one employee has to rely on his/her colleague's cooperating to get the job done.

• Differences in Style Disputes are those involving employees who have different ways of approaching the completion of a task.

• Leadership Style Disputes are those caused by the different managerial style of different managers and supervisors within the organization.

As individuals, employees not only have different backgrounds, values and beliefs, they also have different approaches to how they do things.  As such task conflicts will always be present in the workplace.  Though they may seem to be a cause for great concern on the surface, the innovative solutions gained from resolving task conflicts can sometimes lead to a more efficient and positive workplace.

Personal Conflicts

Did you know that personal conflicts, account for 85% of all employment terminations in the U.S.? That is a daunting statistic. As you have also seen before differences in educational backgrounds, ethnic heritage, gender, political preferences, can, in and of themselves, serve as the cause of conflict.


Not only that, each characteristics can also color an employee's perception of existing conflict. As such, the employee's view of the motives and character of the colleagues with whom he/she is in dispute will be distorted to the point where he/she automatically views all the actions of the other as problematic regardless of whether or not this is objectively true. These personality clashes are commonly dismissed as simply 'office politics' or 'bad chemistry'. However, if they are allowed to continue unchecked, you have already seen how they can usually escalate into so much more.

As an employer, there is no reason to fear what you cannot eliminate. Task and Personal Conflicts will naturally occur in the workplace. Basic training along with simple, common sense techniques are all that is needed to achieve workplace harmony. 


~Here is to Zen In The Workplace!